One Night at B2-118

Stupid song in the player, Satisfy your girlfriend titled spam in the mailbox, heaps of tea-cups, scattered IEEE papers, dust covered books, empty register and half read novel lying on the table surmise this night along with the processor of my ancient computer which at this moment( for you reading, it will be that moment) is trying to decode some alien message hidden inside a video in which Arnold Schwarzenegger on his Harley Davidson jumps from the bridge. Don't scratch your head, the video is from Terminator 2.

What so special about this night? Actually everything, it is very much similar to the nights before the judgment day as shown in Terminator 2. Just the same way, Arnold with that stupid kid whose hair were poking his eyes, and sexy Linda Hamilton was preparing for the final encounter with bad Cyborg, Robert Patrick; I am trying to start my bachelor's project soon to be defended in the panel which will be comprising of many species which are 100 times villainous than bad Cyborg of Terminator 2 or cruel aliens of War of the worlds.

But unlike the movie, there is noone even remotely resembling Linda Hamilton to help me out. It is only me and things mentioned in first paragraph trying to prepare me for coming BTP defense. Hours are passing away with same speed Advertisements are offered to futile Indian cricketers; and the results from my algorithms seems as far as world cup of any sport coming to India. Now just like our news channels wait for some 5-6 year old kid to fall into a tunnel or pit; I am waiting for something to come out of the Arnold's video but my computer is behaving like our politicians keeping me waiting for output. When MATLAB is eating out most of the RAM, Mozilla is angry like Raj Thackrey of MNS demanding reservation of RAM for itself and other sons of Mozilla like download helper etc. Seeing such protests from Mozilla, Moviemaker, Video Converter are asking for allotment of RAM too under the umbrella of OBC and reservation category for less used applications while MSword and Gtalk protesting against such demands of the utility wise backward classes of my computer.

Now I can go on and on just like SRK babbles about his IPL team but I should not; rather since Sachin Tendulkar hopes to play next world cup too, I can also dream to complete my project well before deadline. Holy shit! It is almost dawn but damn my programs; they are not ready to strip naked like Kim Kardashian and show some nice curves.

Refurbished

Something infact everything must be looking new here. Well, yeah
and blame the filtering systems at my place for my earlier state of
lassitude , because Blogspot was banned. Can you guess what for?

Blogspot = Blo+gspot. Yes so the word turned on the alarms and
rang the bells of the filters prohibiting bloggers pathetic & better
than me along with me. But now we are back. So keep checking
and refreshing. God bless You.

Vodka v/s Assignment

The night was becoming younger with every passing second. Stars scattered across the sky along with full moon made everything visible even at half past one in the early morning. Amidst the cries of jackals and barking of dogs,I walked on the road with a bottle of
Smirn-Off vodka wondering what to do?

With my slippers in one hand and vodka in another,I managed to bypass the watchman snoring at the front desk in Sports complex. In the absence of electricity only light illuminating my path to the roof was coming from the sky which managed to seep through every possible nooks and corners. Tube lights,bulbs of almost all rooms except few in the adjacent girl's hostel were sleeping as well. I wondered what the awakened ones were doing? Peeping through was impossible as thick curtains on their windows made view of other side nearly impossible .Even I was glad to have them there. As on full moon, probability of encountering ghosts or scary creatures was maximum.

Somehow crawled up the tin to reach the topmost point of the building, during which slippers slipped from my hands and crashed into some metal. Will the guard come into senses? Nah! said my dizzy mind, control of which was getting transfered to the alcohol running along with the blood by then. Sitting there like an owl sitting on a branch of tree for 2 hours thought about the failed relationships, screwed up projects, thinness of mine, dropping CPIs, increasing terrorism, others having sex, tons of reports which made me stand and reach the edge of the roof. With the bottle on my forehead, stretched arms bathing in the moonlight I appeared as some sort of ghost if not an angel. With my eyes closed, hands stretched in a crucifixion style I was moments and one step away from you know what.

TRING TRING ! TRING TRING! stupid mobile phone in my pocket spoiled my mood of committing s*****e.

"Hello", Irritated to the utmost extent I spoke looking at the watch which indicated some four in the early morning.

"Where are you man?" asked one of my friend loudly that even the girl in the next hostel can hear.

"I was on the top of SAC about to jump from the roof." I was determined.

"C'mon dude! You can do that some other night. I need you here right now." I guess he missed my words.

"I am jumping from the roof of SAC on the ground and not on the second roof." I repeated
to make the dolt understand.

"Why the fuck you make senseless bets? I will treat you in canteen. Come to room soon else it wont be good for you either" He was babbling without listening to me.

"What deal can be bigger than deal of mine. I am fucking jumping from here" I was loosing it.

"You forgot we need to submit the assignments of Wireless communication & VLSI first thing in the morning by 8.05am. Now get your ass down here or the professor will make your life hell enough compelling you to do s*****e." The fatso reminded me of the assingments, thoughts of which began to liberate my mind from the grip of vodka inside.

Picking my slippers from the dinner plate and placing the vodka bottle adjacent to lunch box of the watchman who was still in his deep slumber, I was on my way back to MATLAB.

Life as We dont know

You think you are great, awesome, special, cool or different than others. Well you idiot it is not so because you are just like anyone else around, simply a product developed by your family who first planned how many they want to produce and how much they want to invest in you depending upon whether you are a male or female.

And according to their calculations for a better future or to avoid circumstances of giving a huge dowry you are nourished with expensive education in the institutions where you come in touch with other products which are also there for improvement,processing and development to adjust in the future. You learn and adopt good factors from them to increase your market value and sometimes dent the other's when there is a competition between your stocks i.e. the relationships you make with each other or in front of the market i.e. the society . And how much the others invest love, care etc into these decides the value and future of your stocks which explains why your relationships often crashes when there is not appropriate contribution from you or the one interested in a collaboration with you. And once you finishes undergoing packaging, chiseling etc in these expensive molding centers you finally become a complete ready to sell product.

You then either find a buyer for yourself or like earlier times are auctioned in the society which is the market where buyers and sellers are ready to either sell or purchase you out in their efforts to reap maximum benefits from whatever is available be it high salaried companion or bringing an Honday city along bride. The benefits and profits are thoroughly estimated. And then you with the one who either purchased or with the one who you purchased will go through your available resources will decide to produce some product according to the circumstances. And the product will then become the producer and the cycle keeps going on and on and on.

So may be the ways of developing, upbringing you etc might be different but in the end you are just like the others in the market of society where you are a product and the relationships are not much different than stocks. So All hail Warren Buffet!

I Sinned

Light is there but they cannot see
Amidst the huge crowd I feel free
They all seemed sad and stunned
It appears something terrible they learned

I am shouting but they didn't listen
My worries, my anxieties deepened
Unheard, neglected I went inside
To see for all this, who is behind

In front of my room was huge crowd
Some sad, some numb while other frowned
Made my way across to see what they have found
And it was me, from the fan hanging down

Crucifixion

I killed her today
Though she tried to run away
But her sins made her fall
She screamed and made her last call

The knife went deep inside her breast
Tears rolled down as pain reached its crest
Blood of hers was coloring the ground
She wasn't able to produce anymore sound

While waving goodbye, she pointed towards a drawer
To get something out, towards it she crawled
I opened it and found a letter
After reading which I was completely shattered

I cried and cursed myself for my impatience
Because it was the letter of her innocence
I took her in my arms and asked her to try
She smiled and said,"May be you will stay alive"

PS: The above mentioned is purely an imaginary situation and is not
inspired from any living individual so don't waste your brains thinking
if this one is written due to you or anyone else. It was just to take
the anger out of staying in a lecture for two straight hours.

Black Hole

Yesterday, while drinking beer with friends thoughts surfaced inside our minds that good bye to this place is mere 3 months away and we will be again packing our bags and beddings but only this time it wont meant for keeping them into the store room but to take them back to the place I hardly find as my home anymore. The only place where I feel safe, I feel happy, I feel to take inner horrors and fears out is the Room No-B2-118. Am I trying to over exaggerate the nostalgia which is all set to haunt and rape our minds? Frankly, I don’t know may be I am already inside its grip and being nomadic doesn’t look appreciable anymore.

Life has been a whore always fucking up with my mind by leaving in front of me a myriad of doors, by ejaculating confusions and doubts about the future be it when schooling came to an end or at present when curtains are about to close on the college show. At one side Kurt Cobain, Jimmy Hendrix and Osbourne telling to sell the world and sing for the moment while at the other corner identities like Steve Jobbs, Google brothers or even Ranvir Shourie depicting that the real success is so many miles away. An era will come to an end and every one of us who all converged to this place 4 years back will diverge again to the worlds of our fantasies and of our choices. However, after getting there only I can tell if I made the right choice. However, throwing parties for such dark and unpredictable lanes are still worth because after all chances of everyone sitting together will seldom come again.

Anyways Fuck it! I will have one more beer.

Super Cool Crap

Life has never been so boring as you can see by yourself that when people of my age get ready in the early morning to meet their friends or girl/boy friends and for the same wear brands like Reebok, Lee, Converse shoes etc I have just got up and after brushing I am writing this piece of super crap. It is super crap because I am still half asleep and I write crap when I am wide awake. Anyways from the Converse shoes I remembered that when I was in school then on the Saturdays I used to wear the shoes similar to these worth Rs300 and nobody liked the white P.T. shoes back then but boy oh boy now the young generation buy their red, blue color brothers like shit and which cost at least 900 INR and flaunt them like hell by displaying them in their albums on websites like orkut etc. Is it bad? Did I ever say that? I was just trying to tell you that we were much ahead in fashion and style than what the MNC’s think of us.

What a fucked up person? First thing in the morning he thought is shoes. Must be some sort of Gandhi follower saying videshi chodo desi apanao. Don’t worry I am just trying to kill some time and so are you by reading it so let us try to waste some precious time when we could have done something productive. Oh why should we do something productive because there are already enough people working their asses off and besides I am what I am. But my question to you is what are you? Are you the one who put earphones and carry your iPod in your hand to make others see it when you are not even getting a single word of the music or Are you the one who criticizes such people because you don’t have one or because the people around you don’t consider you cool enough with your CD player?

COOL. What is so cool about being cool? How does one become cool? Am I trying to become cool by writing such uncool things? Why someone must be cool or hot or cute or blah blah? Is being normal isn’t considered normal anymore? I mean yeah the way Roger Federer returns on a tennis court is cool but being carefree about matters like life, ditching people, drinking alcohol with bending backwards at a height is also cool? Speaking in English is really cool but in the native language what the hell are you speaking the other person just don’t get it. I don’t give a fuck to whatever you have written because my friends say I am cool the way I talk, the way I walk, the way I suck at work but the way I am good in bottoms up and again I AM WHAT I AM.

If it is so then why do you need people around you to tell that you are cool or why do you become whatever you are thinking what others around will think. Just be yourself. Oops this line Just be yourself is another cliché. Every time when there is something important about to happen in your life, the humans around you will say JUST BE YOURSELF. What the fuck? Was all this time I was somebody else. Anyways I won’t go any further otherwise my blog wont look cool so I will stop here. If I passed your time, made you think or the least wasted it then feel free to write in the comments below because that section of BlogSpot my friend is yours.

For You

Last night was ours first together
Every barrier between us we shattered
In your warmth, I burned & rose like a phoenix
Inside you, my life got new meanings
Your love,your touch, your kiss on my face
Forever I want to be locked in your warm embrace
Your lips on mine spoke a thousand words
Which were to be felt and not just to be heard
I understood your faith and belief in me
I promise with anyone else I will never be
As again our bodies curls around each other
I realize there is no need to go anywhere and any further!

One day

The scene at the greatest Hindu temple in the heart of Himalayas was mind boggling as every Hindu was present there with their leaders standing near the statues to seek the blessings while the masses following the footsteps of their great leaders dressed in Orange, White, Yellow were outside waiting for them to come out with the god's blessings for the future.

On further zooming in with my special lens on my forehead I looked out and found the variegated people further had different accessories to differentiate from each other. Some Orange dressed people had the necklace of black beads around their necks while some completely bald and the others with their forehead painted white and shining orange mark mapping the width of their forehead.

Among the whites few carried the Trishul while some having bow & arrow and the rest only managed to get hold of a stick. The yellow people weren't different either as few wore completely yellow outfits while few had swastika printed on them and the rest carried a thread across their body. On slightly adjusting in the limited space I was having inside the compartment I was further successful in observing the pattern in every group inside these groups of the original groups.

Observing the orange people with necklace of black beads with some more concentration it was not difficult to miss that the quality and luminosity's of the black beads decreased in the order of their distance from my compartment. Also the amount of clothes on their skin decreased in the same order. The ones standing in the front lanes looked vibrant and strong while those at the back looked desolated and physically weak. Similar trends were reflected inside the other colors as well. Before I can see some more someone handed a mike to the three priests each dressed in his respective color.

"The planets have come in the appropriate locations and so has the Sun. Let us pray together for our well being and seek the blessings of the lords", the priests said in chorus while everyone trying to be louder than the other. And everyone shouted different names after the priests stopped which must have deafened me if I was not in my compartment. And everyone bowed towards the temple and towards my compartments while the priests chanted some phrases and then put forward 3 different plates filled of money, food and some cereals in front of me.

"Oh man, 3 plates." I said to myself.

And the plates were not of the ordinary large sizes either. They were of super large size with each having partitions inside partitions and inside partitions. And every section of the plate was filled with one or the other thing.

I never expected all of them to come at the same time and worship all of my three incarnations at the same time. But it was my duty to listen to each and every individual present. What should I do? I was not able to figure out while the people outside and inside were about to ask infinite number of things at an immeasurable rate. I was getting scared because it will be nearly impossible to select a particular sensible thing from the nonsense things everyone was about to ask.

"What are friends for?" Suddenly the inner me told me.

I then called my friends, one sleeping on a nice green silky bed in a mosque while the other enjoys being in an aerobics exercise position in the church and a few residing in weird structures like those in Tibet etc from my iphone which the aerobics freak friend of mine sent to me as he received a couple from an Apple guy in the church.

"I am facing the same damn situation." Each and everyone of them replied.

I cursed myself for putting myself in such a situation.


Note: Every fact or relations used in the above piece may not be accurately accurate but since I studied Ratio & Proportions for long time, I am pretty sure they all are proportional to those existing among me and you.

Part 2 will be released in the near future.

Suicide attempts

Yellow light of the truck made me blind
When committing suicide was on my mind
But the driver was not drunk that day
He halted and told me to stay away

I then decided to hang myself from a fan
To a nearby motel then I ran
The manager and the boys were busy
As their rooms only had condoms and AC

Cursing my luck, I then searched for a chemist
Thought to buy some poison or a blade to cut my wrists
I asked for any poison without much specifications
But the bastard needed to see it as a Doctor's prescription

Jumping from the roof was then the only option left
Where I met some thieves escaping after a theft
They heard my whole story and asked me why I need to die
May be to my problems, I should give a one more try

With some plans in my head, I then called the police
And they stayed there like the dumb and the foolish
I questioned why all along you never stabbed me with your knife.
May be we were here not to rob but to save your life, smilingly he replied.

Vikram
16/12/2007

Snowfall

In this weather of cold breeze and soft snow
On the bench I am sitting all alone
And as the night will get old
Desires for your companionship will grow many fold
Amidst this chilly atmosphere
I am missing you, your warmth my dear
Your touch, your lips, your amazing flavor
the feeling of yours being my next door neighbor
Walking barefoot here, doesn't give me enough shiver
which can match, wot we had when our bodies were near
The bonfire further drowning me into your thoughts
How reasons to get into each other we sought
I don't know, If you will read and find it nice
But a mere thought about me in your mind will suffice
As now on seeing me, you may disgust or frown
But there is an unique satisfaction of atleast having you around


For you,
From yours
Vicks

Statement of Purpose

I am supposed to provide an answer to a question which
was not that much difficult when I was 6 years old.
Oops ! I forgot to mention the question.Sorry, the question
is

What are my future goals?

Honestly, at 6 it was very easy because I wanted to become
Superman. But as my birthdays passed away and the numbers
on the std. section of stickers on my notebooks changed, so did
my goals. Then came 9th and it wasn't that difficult then either
though there were some social obstacles against it.

Well I wanted to be the life partner of someone who now have
a life partner. No, child marriages are not that much prevalent
anymore in India. But it was just that she was 2 years senior to
me. And out of these she failed once, so you can see there is
not any abnormality in this relationship and also age of women
aren't that simple to decipher. I was really firm on my decision to
hold her hands till doomsday but then her bugaboo kinda brothers
compelled me to make some changes in my plans.

Like a brave man, I then moved on.I then cleared boards(CBSE
man and not any south indian board ;)) surprisingly with great
marks. Before I can choose a stream,I was told about the coaching,
tuitions centers for physics, maths and blah blah.Oh! I was confused
because all of the hot and rich chicks of my school opts for commerce
and someone was really into my head and in my @$@!!$@! as well.

Jesus, I am imagining her again. Stop it....stop it You have to
write a report on this paper.I was glad somebody knocked then.

Anyways lets get back to my vacillating state of mind. I was then
attending the science section classes and looked how guys and girls
(don't be surprised, many of them were not good looking) were
shooting problems of physics, stoichiometry at each other. My aunt
later introduced me to the world of IIT preparation. I managed
to get citizenship of one of the institutes just after school for an
year. I never knew what I wanted but people around me were sure
what they wanted from me, admission to an engineering institute.
However, none of them knew what these institutes are from inside.
It all lies in the vicious circle of Indian society which don't even
spare school kids anymore to become nothing more than simple
hedonists.

So my goal became clearing IIT JEE or any other entrance
examination and by god's grace and guidance of 3 really psycho
freaks, I managed to reach this weird place which was not even
the slightest of the college I saw in "Ishq vishq" or any other
college movie.It was , it is and it will be different. Please
understand this if any aspirant is reading it though
chances are rare because I am not that popular for
academics or on blogspot.com as I just kill people in
my writings.

Three years passed and been through crests and rough
patches. Definitions of many things in life has changed.I learned
how to smile when I see someone with something which was once
mine.How people change colors even at a faster rate than
chameleons.One idiot once said to me there is a difference of
level between us two. He never realized that even if he stands on
a stool, he will still look shorter than me. But again then it was not
his fault, we tend to think we are smart, sexy and cool when a
female is around even if we are bald , fat, not knowing languages
like Tamil or belonging to design department etc.

Secrets, commitments, promises, loyalty I have seen them going
down with the integrity of humans around who then took crash
courses of alcohol and fags to rise above all these insecurities and
stupidities. But then even that so called feeling of Nirvana is like a
double edged sword, freeing you from these worldly concerns but
also making you confess your dark secrets in public which are later
laughed about.

Thus, I can conclude there is some level of increment in my
understanding of the world and on the account of so many
experiences I present my purpose to live and achieve my dream
whatever it is on this planet before my demise because I don't like
the idea of getting a noble prize after transforming into ashes.

Conclusion !

Seeing Anshika paying no attention to their memories,
Shayan felt choked andfound it difficult to avoid the
imminent tears which never touched the ground.

Wind blowing in gust then left the window flapping. She
noticed and moved towards the window on the other side
of which was Shayan. The man who always loved her and
promised to do the same irrespective of any damn thing
which might occur.

She then halted near the window, pushed the already half
opened curtains to their extremes and looked outside the
window. Shayan on the other side was looking at her from
so close after a long time. Her deep eyes, long hairs and her
beauty rang the same old bells in his heart.Anshika took a
deep sigh and then closed the window to move back to attend
the phone of same ponderous guy who dropped her home.

Her failure to even sense his presence further amplified his
agony. He then left and was wandering in the streets.While
the sun was busy sinking in the west, weird and spooky sounds
started to come from the cemetery in the outskirts.

Wretched Shayan then reached the cemetery. He bypassed
many graves before he stopped near one, white stone of which
had his name on it. The lonely soul then sat on its grave thinking
about his dead love.

Shards - Part 3

Shayan managed to board the congested train that arrived. There were hundreds of people squeezed against each other in those tiny boxes. He looked around to absorb what once was his. Everybody is so lost, he thought. Everyone was either reading the newspaper or scanning their mobile phones for news. The situation did not allow space for laptop else, they would have outdone the portable devices.

After an hour-long journey, Shayan managed to reach the office. He rushed to the coffee house on ground floor to occupy his favorite seat, the last against the wall directly in front of the counter. He then sat there and stared at the office’s entrance door that was on his right and visible from the coffee house made of glass walls. A familiar laugh lifted Shayan’s spirits. He frantically looked around, and he found it coming from the stairs that ran from first floor to ground floor.

Her legs came first in his sight. A green dress surrounded them until knees; black stilettos complimented her white legs. Black leather shoes under a formal black trouser followed her steps. The view eventually became clear and Shayan saw her. Her beauty limited Shayan’s vision, watching just her and no one else. The man said something and she laughed a childish laugh that brought a smile on everyone’s face who heard it. They walked and talked. The man followed her to the counter and tried to make some sort of a physical contact. She did not mind but did not reciprocate either.

They sat for a while, and later went back to their workbenches. Shayan followed her around, but she hardly noticed him. She was busy, busy addressing others. She looked happy, but this was not the plan.
Post work, Shayan stood inside a telephone booth. It was somewhere 10 and about to rain. The streets were getting less crowded. A Lexus came and halted a few meters away. The same man from morning came to drop her home. Shayan was infuriated. She got out and went inside her house. The Lexus stayed there for a few minutes, but eventually it was gone. Shayan got out of the telephone booth and went to the back of her house. He knew a window is on that side. It was open and the curtains were apart. He could barely see anything inside but a photo-frame on the table next to the window. It looked familiar.

He reached forward to grab it, but the gusty winds threw it inside. She came from her room after hearing the loud noise. She stood still for a moment, and then bent forward to pick up the frame. She tossed it back on the table in rage. It flipped and flipped before falling outside. It landed near Shayan’s feet. She lunged towards to the window to catch it but to no avail.

She stood at the window; Shayan stood below with the photo-frame in his feet. He looked at it. It had a half torn photo inside. He was no more in the picture. It was only her.